Anxiety is for real

Anxiety is real.  I can't control it.  I clench my jaw so hard it makes my teeth hurt.  My heart palpitates uncontrollably.  I can't focus.  I'm on edge.  I'm living inside my head.

What I just described is my worst day.  I wish I could tell you that these symptoms only come on when I'm super stressed our during a traumatic situation, but that wouldn't be the truth.  These symptoms can come on with no warning, and with no real reason.  In traumatic situations they are magnified x 10.

Yesterday, our Social Distancing requirements were extended by the President until April 30th.  I do love my family and being at home, but I am more than ready to be released from house arrest.  This news has caused, you guessed it, more anxiety.  I'm doing my best not to let it consume me like the giant T-Rex that it is, but it's taking everything I have.

In search of a little encouragement today, I chose to read Philippians 4:6-7 where Paul offers some very good advice:

6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

I think I may print this verse and hang it at my desk. I know that this works, as I have experienced God's peace and and it is wonderful. It's like weight is physically lifted off of your shoulders and you can breathe freely again.

Today I am grateful for some extra time to read the Bible and refocus.  

I encourage you to be mindful of the people around you and what they might be going through.  It might be different than what you are experiencing.  Offer encouragement and reassurance - you have no idea how much receiving this helps a persons anxiety.

I feel a little defeated today

A couple of responses to the HBR article that I shared in a previous post have rubbed me the wrong way.

My point in sharing the article was that maybe it could help even one person to deal with some small nugget of what is going on in their lives right now, because it helped me.  One response took pity on those of us who are having an emotional reaction.  I realize that everyone deals with stuff like this in their own way, but let's not look down on others for the way they are dealing.  If this isn't affecting you mentally or emotionally, I'm genuinely happy for you.

But pity? I don't need your pity.  I need you to realize that mental health issues are a very real thing and is already a major problem in this country.  Do you think that there won't be a million new mental health issues once we are all released from our home imprisonment?  Do you think that everything will just magically go back to exactly the way things were before all of this?  If so, can I come live in your land of rainbows and magical unicorns?

Please don't downplay the importance of taking care of your mental health.  It's the core of who you are.  You put so much thought into what you feed your body and effort in to exercising to keep your body in shape.  What about your mind?

And please, if you take nothing else away from this post, take this:  Please do not ever make someone feel bad for admitting they have any mental or emotional health issue.  Applaud them, encourage them and offer to assist in finding them the right resources.  NEVER TREAT THEM AS THOUGH THEY ARE BROKEN OR SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH THEM.  We all struggle from time to time and some of us just need a little more help than others to get through it.

Today I am grateful that I was taught early on that mental health is not an off-limits subject.  I'm grateful that I have people to talk to who don't make me feel like something is wrong with me.

Here are a few links if you are interested in learning more about how to cope with the mental and emotional effects of this pandemic:

CDC managing stress and anxiety

National Alliance on Mental Illness

Suicide Prevention Lifeline - Emotional Well being during COVID-19  This one has TONS of resources!

A new hobby?

There has been a huge call from the healthcare industry for those who sew to make masks.  My mom has quickly jumped on that bandwagon and is making masks while she is at home.  Her 9 to 5 job is a hairdresser but due to the regulations put in place with the Shelter in Place order in Michigan she finds herself out of a job at the moment.  She wasted no time getting to work on masks and didn't hesitate to send me a somewhat creepy selfie.

I find myself feeling a little helpless these days.  I can't do anything to help this pandemic, other than staying at home.  I have plenty to do between work, school and keeping my house from looking like a war zone as a result of my family being home 24/7 but I still feel like I need to do something for the greater good.  With a little guidance from my mom, my family and I have decided to tackle this face mask project over the weekend.  We will see how that goes - I'm a scrapbooker, not a seamstress so this will really be testing my abilities!

Today I am grateful for people coming together and trying to help others.  I am grateful for the healthcare providers and first-responders for standing on the front lines during this war against COVID-19.


We all know someone who is working on the front lines of this pandemic.  I encourage you to reach out (but not closer than six feet) and let them know how much you appreciate their sacrifices.

Apparently, we are all grieving.

Someone dear to me shared an article with me today.  A reputable article, from the Harvard Business Review.  It describes what we are feeling as grief.  We grieve for the way things used to be, for the things we used to do, for our normal lives. But we also have grief over what's going to happen next. 

I know some of the grief I have is over what my life used to be like; you know the swanky parties and endless trips around the world.  But seriously, I miss having dinner and drinks in a restaurant with my husband. Now all we can do is order takeout and pull up to the curb to pick it up.  I miss Saturday morning shopping at Target with my Starbucks (yes, I'm that person). Shopping now, is no longer fun but something I have anxiety about.  I miss the simple things.

The article goes on to say that we can deal better with grief if we name it.  I think it somehow gives it less power over us when we do that.  I guess that's what I am trying to do in this blog.

I worry about the mental state of the people in our country.  I did not feel like we were in such a good place before all of this happened.  I fear that this may be too much for people.

Today I am grateful for people in my life who send me articles like this.  I'm grateful to know that someone truly cares about my well-being.

I encourage you to talk to others about your anxiety and grief.  You will instantly realize that everyone else is feeling the same way - YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

If you would like to read the article, you can do so by clicking HERE.

So this is life now...

So this is life now.  COVID-19 has penetrated the US and many of us are working from our homes rather than going to our places of business.  Our children are attending school via online classes while we learn to become teachers on the fly. I hope you all remember that algebra and geometry that you learned in middle school.  You said you would never need it but today's the day!

We are trying hard to adjust to our new "normal", which has not been easy.  I have experienced so many emotions during the last week; so much anxiety about the well-being of our country and its people.  Much of this emotion is uncontrollable.  I feel things and don't understand why I feel them.  My body is rejecting the changes and the stress said changes are causing.  I'm having a physical reaction to this virus and I don't even have it!

As Americans we often feel like we are safe from the things that other cultures experience such as war, frequent terrorism and even famine.  For me, at least, that feeling of security has currently (and hopefully only temporarily) left the building.

All we can do right now is push forward.  Continue working at home as much as we can.  Spend extra time with our children and be that stay-at-home parent we secretly envy when we are at work.  Be kind to others because we are all in this together.  Pray, because if we feel secure in our relationship with God, we know that whatever storms come our way, we are on a path that He has made for us.  There is a purpose to all of this, even if we don't understand what it is at this moment.

Above all, let's stop and be grateful for what we have. 

Today I am grateful to work for an organization that is supporting its employees through this rough time.